Unveiling the Circus of Resume Writing: A Hilarious Journey into the Absurd

Unveiling the Circus of Resume Writing A Hilarious Journey into the Absurd

Resume writing, the great spectacle of the job-hunting circus, is a perplexing dance where we all put on our best show to impress potential employers. It’s a land of peculiar expectations and mind-boggling contradictions, leaving job seekers scratching their heads and wondering if they accidentally wandered into a parallel universe. Join us on a comical journey as we unveil the absurdity of resume writing and laugh at the circus acts we all perform to stand out.

The Tightrope of Brevity and Detail

Picture This: A tightrope walker balancing on a thin line, trying to showcase all their skills while maintaining brevity. Yes, that’s us attempting to condense a lifetime of accomplishments into a single-page resume. We’re expected to list our entire professional history, but wait! Keep it short and concise! No more than one page, please!

“Dear employer, I am a multitalented, highly skilled unicorn with 20 years of experience in a single page.”

The Circus of Keywords

Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round for the great keyword extravaganza! Want to pass the magical Applicant Tracking System (ATS)? Prepare to stuff your resume with buzzwords like “synergy,” “go-getter,” and “ninja.” Apparently, the more unrelated keywords you sprinkle, the better your chances of being noticed. Who knew ATS was secretly run by word-hungry parrots?

The Acrobat of Job Titles

Have you ever seen someone juggle job titles like flaming batons? Well, resume writers do it with flair! In the land of absurdity, a “Customer Service Representative” might transform into a “Client Happiness Guru,” and a “Janitor” could become a “Sanitation Engineer.” Apparently, fancy titles can turn mundane tasks into mind-blowing feats of professional prowess.

The Clownish Font Selection

Step right up, folks, and behold the mesmerizing world of font choices! From classic Arial to funky Comic Sans, the right font can make or break your circus act. Some claim that using a quirky font showcases creativity, while others swear by the professional allure of traditional fonts. In this bizarre realm, even the most astute resume advice experts can’t decide whether to laugh or cry.

The Grand Illusion of the Employment Gap

Now, prepare to witness the grand illusion of the employment gap! Magically transform a year of soul-searching or an extended vacation into a “period of self-enlightenment” or “international exploration.” Abracadabra! No more gaps, just an epic adventure to impress hiring managers. As the saying goes, “What employment gap?”

Conclusion

Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve explored the absurd world of resume writing, where circus acts of brevity and detail, keyword stuffing, acrobat-like job titles, clownish font choices, and grand employment gap illusions reign supreme. In this whimsical land, job seekers must become masters of disguise and wordsmithing, all while maintaining a straight face.

As you embark on your next resume-writing adventure, remember that beneath the absurdity lies a valuable lesson; authenticity and honesty are the real showstoppers. Employers appreciate genuine, well-crafted resumes that showcase your skills and accomplishments without sacrificing your unique personality.

So, don your proverbial clown nose, embrace the quirky font, and dazzle them with your acrobatic achievements. After all, in the circus of resume writing, we’re all just a bunch of lovable clowns trying to stand out in the most amusing way possible.

Happy job hunting!

Top-Five Tips to Help You Land the Job of Your Dreams

Let me start by saying that I am not a recruiter. In fact, I’ve never been a recruiter, and I have no plans of becoming a recruiter anytime soon. I am, however, an expert when it comes to helping recruiters do their jobs better. Let me explain.

My name is Bryan Shaw.  My team and I handle all of the marketing / advertising for STS Technical Services; a top-100 staffing firm in the United States that hires across the aerospace, defense, industrial and manufacturing industries. There’s a lot that goes into my role at STS, but the part that’s relevant to my expert claim has to do with the time and effort I expel promoting jobs and finding quality candidates using a myriad of online tools.

Over the years I have helped place more than 10,000 people into successful careers all across the country. I have viewed and edited a countless number of resumes, and I know what it takes to nab the attention of recruiters and ultimately get hired.

Now that you know a little about me and what it is that I do, let me borrow your time for the next few minutes while I show you five surefire ways to help you land the job of your dreams. Are you ready? Here goes.

1.) Be Professional & Active on Social Media

It’s 2023, and social media is ingrained in our culture. If you want to be taken seriously as a job seeker than you need to take your social media profiles seriously.

Studies have shown that nearly 75% of all employers view a candidate’s personal social media pages before making a hiring decision. This means that the content found therein can make or break your chances of getting the job. Knowing this, it’s important to ensure that every social media platform that you’re on exudes and heir of professionalism from top to bottom (yes, that includes Facebook and Instagram).

In addition to making your social media profiles reflect your professional persona, it helps to engage with content being shared by the company you’d like to work for. Don’t go crazy and comment on every status update and tweet they throw out (you’ll look a little stalker-ish if you do). Simply show an active and recurring interest from time to time, and you’ll soon reap the benefits.

2.) Your LinkedIn Profile Isn’t an Online Resume; It’s a Personal Marketing Tool

If your LinkedIn profile reads more like a resume, you’re making a huge mistake.

Here’s how you can fix that.

  • Add a professional looking photo
  • Be authentic
  • Use images, links and video
  • Make sure your contact info is easily found
  • Be personable, but not too personable

A successful LinkedIn profile will not only highlight your professional experience, it will also give employers a glimpse into who you are as a person. No one wants to hire a face – unless you’re a model – and that means you need to inject some personality into your profile. There’s nothing wrong with letting an employer know that you’re an avid sports fan who loves to play golf and fish on weekends. At the end of the day, employers want to hire people they can relate to, not robots who clock in, clock out, collect their paychecks and go home.

3.) Create a Resume that Stands Out

The old days of printed black ink on white paper are all but gone. Today’s resume demands a little panache, if you will, or at least a little flare that will help you “pop” off the page.  Here are some tips on how to accomplish that.

First, check out Canva. It’s a cloud-based graphic design program that’s so easy to use that you may soon quit your current job to become a graphic designer. I’m not kidding. The best part about Canva for job seekers is that it’s a FREE platform with hundreds of pre-populated resume templates that allow you to create an amazing looking CV in a lot less time than you might think.

Second, when is the last time you really dove into Microsoft Word? All modern versions of Word have resume template options for you to choose from, so if Canva intimidates you a little bit, open up a new document, select a unique resume template in the back-end and get work.

Last but not least, let’s talk about resume length. In other words, how long should your resume be? The answer to that question is easy though you may not like it. Are you ready? Your resume should never be longer than one page. If it is, you’re trying too hard. Recruiters will spend about 6 seconds (not kidding) looking at a resume before deciding to learn more or move on. That’s not a lot of time. Keep your resume concise and to the point. In other words, don’t use 20 words when you can say the same thing using seven.

4.) Learn As Much as You Can About the Company & Position Before You Interview

When it comes to landing the job of your dreams, knowledge is power. Those that have it will always steal the job away from those that do not. Here’s why.

By taking the time to learn about the company you’re applying to work for, you’ll be able to spin that newly-found knowledge back to the hiring manger(s) who will guide you throughout the interview process. If you show a genuine interest in the company and the products / services they offer, that interest will ooze out of you in the form of passion. And, like it or not, employers want to hire passionate employees; people who will go above and beyond in an effort to excel. Choose not to heed this advice and do so at your own peril.

5.) Help Recruiters Help You

Recruiters get paid to find you work. In fact, many of them get paid handsomely, particularly if the jobs they deal with require very specific skill sets. Knowing this, recruiters aren’t magicians. They can’t pull magic employment bunnies from an old-school top hat and land you the job of your dreams without a little help. So, the more that you’re willing to help a recruiter get to know and understand who you are and what exactly it is that you’re looking for, the more capable they’ll become at helping you land the job you’ve always wanted.

In addition to being helpful to recruiters, you also need to establish a strong human connection with them if you can. Think about it this way. Who would you be more willing to go to bat for; a person whom you barely know or someone you have a decent relationship with? The right answer is the latter, and if you disagree with me on this, you may want to return to the top of this article and try again.

Conclusion

So you want to land the job of your dreams. That’s awesome! Bright futures start with a single step forward, and this article has been designed to help you get moving in the right direction. I hope you’ve enjoyed it, and I thank you all for taking the time.

Work For Kalitta Air in Michigan: 100+ New Careers Just Opened Up

Kalitta Air Jobs

One of our partners, Kalitta Air, just opened more than 100 Aircraft Maintenance positions in the Michigan area.

These are all amazing employment opportunities for those who care about working for a company that cares about you.

Great pay and excellent benefits are attached to each new role. To learn more and apply online, click the link below now.

View All Kalitta Openings: https://www.ststechnicaljobs.com/kalitta-air-jobs/
Why Work for Kalitta: https://www.ststechnicaljobs.com/heres-why-you-should-work-for-kalitta-air-in-michigan/

Thanks for your time this morning. If you have questions, give us a call at 1-800-359-4787.

Cheers,
STS Technical Services
1-800-359-4787 ext. 9177

www.ststechnicaljobs.com
recruiting@ststechnicaljobs.com

As a Career Contractor, It Pays to be Proactive

Being a career contractor has its benefits. But if I’m being completely honest, it also has drawbacks.

What I’m going to do today is teach career contractors how to move from one job to the next without the worry of wondering where, when and how the next paycheck might be earned. Are you ready to get started? Let’s do this!

1.) Polish & Prime Your Resume

If you haven’t updated your resume in months, now’s the time. But before you open the document on your computer and start typing away, try and keep a few things in mind.

First, your resume should never be longer than one page. If it is, you’re trying too hard. Recruiters will spend about 6 seconds (not kidding) looking at a resume before deciding to learn more or move on. That’s not a lot of time. Keep your resume concise and to the point. Don’t use 20 words when you can say the same thing using seven.

The second thing you need to keep in mind when updating your resume is format. In other words, make sure your resume is easy to read and nice to look at. You can accomplish this by using a pre-populated layout in Microsoft Word, working from a free resume template on Canva, or by changing the size and color of your chosen font in strategic places. Be consistent, however, as making a change to one header and not the next will throw things off from an aesthetic standpoint.

2.) Proactively Work with a Recruiter

If your current contract is coming to a close, don’t wait to contact a Recruiter. In fact, you should reach out to a staffing specialist at least two months before your existing contract is set to expire. The reason is simple… you want to line up your next gig before your current one ends.

If you wait until the end of your existing contract before beginning to look for your next job, you might be waiting a little longer than you’d like. Keep the money coming in, keep the security that comes with a steady paycheck, and be proactive about landing your next contract so you can bounce from one gig to the next without missing a beat.

3.) Be Active but Professional on Social Media

If you think Recruiters and Hiring Managers aren’t looking at your social media profiles, think again. In fact, according to recent study by CareerBuilder, nearly 70% of all Recruiters will scour a candidate’s social media profiles before making a hiring decision. Use this fact to your advantage by staying active and professional on social media. For example, keep your LinkedIn profile updated, engage with professional communities that matter to you, and offer a helping hand from time to time.

Just be careful about what you post and when. Pictures of you and your crew wasted at a bar in the early morning hours may seem like a fun thing to share, but Recruiters can easily be put off by that sort of thing. You want to show some personality online and be yourself, but at the end of the day, it pays (quite literally) to use common sense before you post.

Parting Thoughts

One of the hardest things about being a contractor is job uncertainty. That being said, you control your fate… you are the driver of your own destiny.

If finding a new job is important to you, perfect your resume. If you need to move from one contract job to the next without a lot of downtime in between, be proactive and contact a Recruiter. And if you think social media doesn’t matter, you’re wrong. It does matter, and the persona you create online will be looked at, studied and questioned. At the end of the day, just remember that it’s better to be smart than to miss out on a great opportunity over a simple status update.